9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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