They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
