i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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