Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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