i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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