god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
