I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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