i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
