it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You can't special order awesome
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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