Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
