how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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