i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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