I swear she didn't look like that last week.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
