everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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