You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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