i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
