I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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