Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
