Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
