I just made out with a guy for $7.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have feelings that need drinking.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
