Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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