I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
