RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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