one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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