he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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