my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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