we have officially lost it.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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