I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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