And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
