Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
