Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
