just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize