the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
