The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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