Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
