I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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