I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
