you traded sex for a burrito?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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