I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
