guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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