so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
