You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
