Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
