so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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