i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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