My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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