i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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