The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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