I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
