Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
