The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
