Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
