I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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