My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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