I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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