I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
