don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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