omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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