You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
