Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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