all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
