My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
