I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
