Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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