Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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