Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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