And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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