3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
