I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i think my cat just said my name.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
