just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
