Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
