This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
