he was CRYING into my vagina
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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