i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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